Entitlement...Just the sight of the word sends shivers up and down my spine, very similar to the same reaction I have when surrounded by clowns, but that is a different story for a different day.
When asked some topics of discussion that parents would like to see discussed, one of the suggestions that was thrown out was parenting fails.
You know those "Parent of the Year" awards that you give yourself behind closed bathroom doors, when you realized how your approach may have not been the most effective one out there. I have several on my shelf, some of them are dusty. and some of them are still bright and shiny.
On the topic of parenting " has room for improvements", why not share a little ditty on children, entitlement, and how to work through the self created monster.
Let me take you back almost 2 years ago, Christmas was coming, joy was in the air, and mom had what equated to the best idea ever... Iphones!!
Two of them, one for each teen that was without a doubt ready for the smart phone world.
I had done my research, laid down the smart phone laws, and my husband and I were about to be the coolest parents on the block. The Christmas went off just as planned, the kids were through the roof excited, and now I had another way to communicate with the kids. Christmas afternoon, when there was no family time to be seen, but screens buried in phones were everywhere, I began to wonder if I was setting myself up for yet another award.
Now skip to about a year later. Here in the Summers household, we have some pretty tight rules about what you have to do to keep a smart phone, one of those rules being, each keeper of the smartphone will have to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA, which is the same for driving in our house. This rule worked out fine and dandy for both of our kids in middle school, but when one moved to high school, reality for that child set in, and holding to that standard became really hard.
Here is where the entitlement set in, and it was not pretty to say the least.
2.95 was the blaring number I was starring at as I opened my sons first high school report card.
The fear of having to hold to our family rule was palatable.
I found myself thinking of ways I could justify not following through.
He is a great kid.
He tried so hard. ( Not entirely true, but I was buying what I was selling.)
Maybe this could be a warning quarter??
We could follow through next quarter... Yea that sounded like a winner, we should go with that!
Everyone else has a smart phone, what in the world will he do?
Every idea I came up with, ended with the thought of a small screaming child in a shopping cart at the store, freaking out because they did not get the candy they thought they "deserved," or had "earned " for being good in the store.
I had to follow through...
So the night came, and we had to have the talk.
It was like an old western movie.
He knew what was coming.
I knew what was coming.
Hopefully we would both come out of this alive.
My oldest, was devastated, and like any desperate person would do, he put up a good fight.
There was the:
"I got a 2.95 that totally rounds up to a 3.0!"
"It was not my fault, my math teacher hates me."
"It is not my fault, my math teacher sucks."
"I will totally fail my classes if I don't have my smart phone."
" I am a good kid, I deserve a smart phone."
In my opinion, these were all valid arguments, and to be quite honest I was impressed with each and every attempt.
The bottom line was, this world has rules, and as an adult, if we don't do our jobs, we may get looked over for promotions, lose money, or even worse lose our jobs.
Adults have to work for the privilege of having homes, cars, and toys.
It is a privilege to have a smart phone, video games, and participation is extra curricular activities.
The hardest lessons to teach are the ones that our kids need the most, and teaching rights vs privileges in my opinion is one of the hardest to help them understand at a young age.
The next three months until new grades came out were, actually very pleasant.
( After the first couple of pouting weeks of course.)
He hung out with us more.
He talked with us more.
He even was kinder to his siblings.
The next quarter he got a 3.2, and boy did this kid appreciate his phone.
Lesson taught.
Expectations set.
On to the next teenage adventure.
