Rights VS Privliges

Entitlement...Just the sight of the word sends shivers up and down my spine, very similar to the same reaction I have when surrounded by clowns, but that is a different story for a different day.
When asked some topics of discussion that parents would like to see discussed, one of the suggestions that was thrown out was parenting fails.

You know those "Parent of the Year" awards that you give yourself behind closed bathroom doors, when you realized how your approach may have not been the most effective one out there. I have several on my shelf, some of them are dusty. and some of them are still bright and shiny.
On the topic of parenting " has room for improvements",  why not share a little ditty on children, entitlement, and how to work through the self created monster.

Let me take you back almost 2 years ago, Christmas was coming,  joy was in the air, and mom had what equated to the best idea ever... Iphones!!
Two of them, one for each teen that was without a doubt ready for the smart phone world.
I had done my research, laid down the smart phone laws, and my husband and I were about to be the coolest parents on the block.   The Christmas went off just as planned, the kids were through the roof excited, and now I had another way to communicate with the kids.   Christmas afternoon, when there was no family time to be seen, but screens buried in phones were everywhere, I began to wonder if I was setting myself up for yet another award.

Now skip to about a year later. Here in the Summers household, we have some pretty tight rules about what you have to do to keep a smart phone, one of those rules being, each keeper of the smartphone will have to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA, which is the same for driving in our house.  This rule worked out fine and dandy for both of our kids in middle school, but when one moved to high school, reality for that child set in, and holding to that standard became really hard.

Here is where the entitlement set in, and it was not pretty to say the least.
2.95 was the blaring number I was starring at as I opened my sons first high school report card.
The fear of having to hold to our family rule was palatable.
I found myself thinking of ways I could justify not following through.
He is a great kid.
He tried so hard. ( Not entirely true, but I was buying what I was selling.)
Maybe this could be a warning quarter??
We could follow through next quarter... Yea that sounded like a winner, we should go with that!
Everyone else has a smart phone, what in the world will he do?

Every idea I came up with, ended with the thought of a small screaming child in a shopping cart at the store, freaking out because they did not get the candy they thought they "deserved," or had "earned " for being good in the store.
I had to follow through...

So the night came, and we had to have the talk.
It was like an old western movie.
He knew what was coming.
 I knew what was coming.
Hopefully we would both come out of this alive.

My oldest, was devastated, and like any desperate person would do, he put up a good fight.
There was the:
"I got a 2.95 that totally rounds up to a 3.0!"
"It was not my fault, my math teacher hates me."
"It is not my fault, my math teacher sucks."
"I will totally fail my classes if I don't have my smart phone."
" I am a good kid, I deserve a smart phone."
In my opinion, these were all valid arguments, and to be quite honest I was impressed with each and every attempt.
The bottom line was, this world has rules, and as an adult, if we don't do our jobs, we may get looked over for promotions, lose money, or even worse lose our jobs. 
Adults have to work for the privilege of having homes, cars, and toys. 
It is a privilege to have a smart phone, video games, and participation is extra curricular activities.
The hardest lessons to teach are the ones that our kids need the most, and teaching rights vs privileges in my opinion is one of the hardest to help them understand at a young age. 
The next three months until new grades came out were, actually very pleasant.
( After the first couple of pouting weeks of course.)
He hung out with us more.
He talked with us more.
He even was kinder to his siblings.
The next quarter he got a 3.2, and boy did this kid appreciate his phone.
Lesson taught.
Expectations set.
On to the next teenage adventure. 

  

A Teen, A Pair of Perfect Pants, and a Dream...

Many of my friends know that I have been a florist since the fine young age of 14.  However, not many of my friends know how or why I enter the work force at such a young age.  It is a glamorous story filled with a stubborn middle school girl, a pair of Girbaud Jeans,
 and a mom who was smart enough not to buy them for me.
First for those of you not blessed enough to have been around when then jeans were popular, let me explain my madness.  These were the cool kids jeans, they had a peculiar cut at the waist, they made your bottom look insane, and the most detail  of all, was a white label perched square in the middle of the where the pants zipped together. These were the Mecca of cool, and I wanted a pair more like young boys of my time wanted a pair of Air Jordans.  There was nothing that was going to stop me from rocking a pair of my very own Girbaud jeans, nothing except a mom who refused to spend "$80.00 on a pair of jeans with a stupid white tag on the crotch!" Her words not mine, I could see the value in the perfectly placed tag of glory.  When I approached my mother with all of my reasons that buying these pants would be surly one of the best decisions of her life, I was met with an abrupt. " If you want to spend $80.00 on a pair of pants, it is time for you to get a job and see if they are worth it too you."
So here I was..
14.
No job.
No money.
No Car, and very worst of all..
No Girbauds...
How was the world ever going to go on? 

I was at a crossroads, so I did what any self respecting teenager would do, I walked into the first place I could find with a "Now Hiring" sign which just happened to be a Flowerpatch across the street from the Old Jordan High, and begged for a job that I knew nothing about, but was willing to learn as long as it would lead to a paycheck and a pair of  magical pants. 
So here I am 18 years later.
I got the pants, and yes my friends, they were as wonderful as I had always imagined.

Now you might ask, what does this have to do with a picture of one of my children showing the other  how to mow a perfect diagonal line in the grass, just the way mom likes it. 
I say, it has everything.
My mom taught me how to work from a young age, and I have in turn tried to teach my kids that they can have anything they want as long as they are willing to work for it. Give your children something to work for, show them how to work, and then celebrate when they get their own set of magic pants, and even better, their own  sense of what they can and can not do on their own.

Where Did I Put That Instruction Manual Again?

As a mother of three boys and one girl, plus an ever changing number of foster kids, I cannot even begin to put a number on the amount of times I have laid on our bathroom floor trying to comfort one sick child in one arm, while at the same time yelling to the other boys to "QUIET DOWN!! Can't they obviously see we are sick in here?," While in the other arm trying to help another " I forgot I have a book report due tomorrow" child attempt to kindly and patiently finish their last minute homework. All the while being distracted with the thought that, perhaps yelling at the boys to quiet down, was not my most well thought out and effective mom move as the thundering stampede that is

Undoubtedly a good game of cop and robber is getting closer and closer to the barricade I am attempting to create in our now lovely smelling, and cozy little bathroom.

It is in these moments, that I often wonder, where in the world did I put that instruction manual for these kids again?

Oh wait that’s right...

I never got one!!!

I guess mine must still be on back order and I say waving my fist to the sky, "  and it seems as if no one is in too much of a hurry to fill my repeated requests for copies!"

Hopefully if you are reading this, you are too, going down the same road without a specialized book of instructions as to the best ways to raise each one of our individual children to be happy, and somewhat sane, successful adults.

Hopefully you, like me, wake up each day, and pray that your children won't catch on to the fact that you have absolutely no idea what you are doing, but have become an expert at sporting the "all mighty mom" knows all poker face.

I am dedicating this blog to those of us who are doing the best we can, and every now and then just need a good laugh and a pat on the shoulder letting us know that doing the best we can, just happens to be, just enough.

My purpose in writing this blog is to make you smile, make you laugh out loud, and to make you confident that the job you are doing as a mother is nothing short of a miracle every day. Once a week I will be sharing a funny story and hopefully sharing some of my favorite parenting and teaching tricks that I have learned and am learning, along the way. Please, if you have some parenting nugget of genius, share it here. Let’s see if we can help get some of those backordered instruction manuals out of production, and on the shelves.

Enjoy.....